Duck & Run - Runner Down

Duck & Run
Runner Down
By Hank Brown

It was like I saw it all happen in slow motion, but I was helpless to stop it. I must have tripped on the curb, and here I was in mid-air, hands out front like a bad imitation of George Reeves in the old Superman TV show. For a split second, I thought “I can’t believe it, I’m going to fall.”

It seemed to take forever to hit the ground. I mean, don’t get me wrong… I was definitely going down, but it was like somebody hit the frame by frame button on the VCR so all the cars passing by could watch me fly through the air and skid across the concrete.

As I was in mid-flight, my mind went through a super-quick checklist:
 Can I recover and stay on my feet? No.
 What am I wearing? Shorts, long-sleeve shirt, and gloves.
 How do I want to land? Avoid the knees if possible, avoid a skid.
 Where do I want to land? Hmmm, no good choices, but let’s stay out of the road and avoid that light pole with the concrete base.

Amazingly, I executed my “planned fall” pretty well. I hit hands first, then right shoulder, then rolled on my back, and ended up looking straight up in the sky, just inches away from the light pole with the concrete base. As falls go, this one was pretty “graceful,” even though I have to admit it’s a bit of an oxymoron.

I lay on my back in the traffic island for awhile, a little stunned, and a lot embarrassed, but I knew it could have been much worse. I staggered to my feet and brushed myself off.

“You didn’t break nothin’, did ya?”

I looked around and saw a car waiting on the light at the intersection, with an old man leaning out the passenger window. He and his wife had witnessed the crash and figured they better wait and make sure they didn’t need to peel me off the road.

“I think I’m ok, thanks.” I decided I needed to recuperate what was left of my dignity, so I waved and took off running as quickly as I regained my mental and physical capacities.

A running fall might be the worst kind of fall. Why? First because it’s totally unexpected, so you have very little, if any, time to react. One moment you’re running along enjoying the sunshine, and a blink later you’re face first on the sidewalk. Second, a runner is traveling at a pace which makes the force of the collision much worse than just tripping and falling. For example, walking into a wall might be a little painful (and embarrassing), but slamming into a wall at 6-7 mph might put you in the hospital! Finally, runners typically dress for performance and comfort, not for cover, leaving lots of skin exposed to scrape against the concrete. I was lucky - I had a split second to react, and I was wearing gloves and a long-sleeve shirt.

My darling and beautiful wife Natalie is very chic in almost every walk of life, but is admittedly a little clumsy when it comes to running. She has taken several bad spills on the roads, each time looking like the confederate soldiers in Gone With The Wind returning home after losing the war. She came limping home with blood streaming down her legs and road rash tattooing her arms from tripping on a crack in the sidewalk. She had a few choice words for everyone from the local neighborhood association to the federal government for inadequate lighting after tumbling head first on a very dark early morning run. She stepped into a hole while running with our dog one afternoon, ending up sprawled out in the middle of the road. Anyone who says running isn’t a contact sport has not met my wife!

My worst fall happened in my younger, brasher days. I was probably 19 or 20 years old, running through our neighborhood one afternoon, when I decided to cut across the corner of a yard with a low hedge bordering the property. Other than being young, and young guys do stupid things, why in the world you might ask would I want to run through a yard and jump the hedges?

Well, I always thought it was super cool how the hurdlers on the track team practiced their little “kick” move over the hurdles, so whenever I went to the track for a workout, and there was a stray hurdle sitting around, I taught myself the hurdling technique. Now, don’t misunderstand me, I was NOT a hurdler… I was a distance runner who liked to jump over the hurdles when nobody was watching.

So, as I approached this yard with the low hedges, I couldn’t resist the temptation to “hurdle” the hedges using my super cool technique. I cleared the first hurdle (hedge), took a few steps and prepared for the second one (remember the hedges bordered the property, and I was cutting across the corner of the yard). My lead leg cleared the second hedge, but my trail leg didn’t quite make it. I landed on my lead leg and thought I could recover my balance and at least stay on my feet. The more I tried to regain my equilibrium, the more I lost control. I distinctly remember my legs and arms flailing around like a wind chime in a storm, and the sense of terror as I realized I was headed for a face plant in the road.

Luckily I only ended up with a very bad black eye, a demolished t-shirt, and an extremely bruised ego. I learned a valuable lesson that day… leave the hurdling to the hurdlers! Long distance runners aren’t the most elegant beings on the planet, so otherwise imperceptible things like cracks in the sidewalk, curbs, and holes in the road turn into major obstacles for guys like me. It’s a veritable mine field out there… so the next time you run by a yard with a low hedge, resist the temptation and just keep on running.